A Blank Canvas

I've been away from kuwait for a long time. Coming back home has been a surreal experience..I feel as though I have been born again into my old life with the experiences of the recent one. Its strange. For the past couple of years i lived two lives and whilst it was a relief at times to be able to get away and be someone else...someone who could walk around in jeans and a tshirt and blend into anonymity , it was also painful to have to keep saying goodbye to my family again and again and again.. There was no point in forging any new relationships... I would never see these people again....or maintaining old ones as every time i go back i developed another aspect of my personality that they couldnt relate to. It is all the more painful that only for the past year have I truly found my best friends only to leave them and never see them again...Having developed an identity where I was comfortable with who I was and forged relationships with everyone in my environment I am yanked back into my childhood home where i am left to fend for myself amongst people who are familiar and at the same time far away and different to me. Though I am 23 years old I still feel like a child wandering around, clueless as to all these different protocols and traditions. In some aspects I think this actually helps as I can consider them with a fresh perspective and discard the ones that dont make any sense to me. Still it is slightly unsettling stumbling around....a blank canvas.